The Sexism by Family and Friends After Separation
Have you ever found yourself being questioned by family about your personal choices after separation or divorce? Criticised for not making the ‘right’ choices or being called selfish?
For anyone who has gone through a separation you very quickly are forced to face the reality of increased expenses, tough decisions needing to be made quickly around where you will live, and feeling pulled in every direction to the point you no longer have time for you.
To top this all off we seem to face a barrage of sexism from family and sometimes even friends around the choices we have made.
Where You Live
For those with children, this can be one of the toughest decisions. There is in so many of my clients in the past been this desire to continue to provide the children with a home they are used to while the husband goes off and rents a small apartment. Afterall that is the accepted social norm. By why is it that the Mother is the one who carries the social pressure of providing the larger home?
After separation, this may be the first time in your life where you have been able to decide yourself where you want to live and you should jump at this opportunity. The family may pressure you into staying close so you have your support network, however, you have to also ask if you are giving up control as part of this deal. Are you making your decision on the choice of location for genuine convenience, or perhaps just fitting in with your ex-partners life instead.
To get this right you need to map out your circles of support, circles of those who just want to control you, facilities you need to access on a regular basis such as schools or work and on top of this what features your ideal location would provide you that will save you time in your day and give you a place where you can stand on your own two feet. Remember do you really want to run into your Ex every time you go to the local coffee shop?
The final consideration is budget. If it means a smaller property in your ideal location and the kids have to share a room then you have the permission to be a little selfish. You are staring your life over again and you need to be in the right physical location that will support you to do this best. The key is are you providing them a safe place and can you afford the property without in the future becoming a burden on your children?