Divorce and The Sexist Aftermath - Part 3 Allowing Time For YouJun 07, 2018
The Sexism by Family and Friends After Separation
Have you ever found yourself being questioned by family about your personal choices after separation or divorce? Criticised for not making the ‘right’ choices or being called selfish?
For anyone who has gone through a separation you very quickly are forced to face the reality of increased expenses, tough decisions needing to be made quickly around where you will live, and feeling pulled in every direction to the point you no longer have time for you.
To top this all off we seem to face a barrage of sexism from family and sometimes even friends around the choices we have made.
Creating Time For You
Part of this equation is solved by choosing the right location to live in, talked about above. However, it is also vital that you create time in every day just for you. If you are living in a state of anxiety or stress we know from scientific research that your IQ will fall within just 10 minutes impacting your decision-making capacity. This right at the time when you have some of the most critical decisions to make you your entire life.
In addition higher levels of stress can lead to weight gain, susceptibility to disease in your body, further relationship issues. I know I have done some pretty dumb things when in a state of stress.
To top it off society expects us as women to react more emotionally and almost rewards us for this behavior. Family and friends may see us as unfeeling if they don’t see us on the emotional stress roller coaster. However, remember you are not here to put on a performance for others. Your focus right now is to repair you, recreate and redesign you and you can only do this when you are making clear decisions.
The key is being aware of when you are in a state of stress and then finding your own ways to regulate this. It could be as simple as a breathing exercise, meditation or finding that one thing that restores you and blocking out time in your diary to do this. An extreme example I have seen, but it worked for this women was to go skydiving once a week. It helped her put things into perspective and gave her the stress relief she needed, ironic almost. I think for most of us skydiving would cause stress.
If you can manage the stress, you will be better placed to manage your emotional reactions. Remembering how you react to an external influence is always your decision to make. For some of you taking back control of how you react will take away control from your Ex-partner who may thrive on this.
In these moments you capture for yourself it is also important that you focus on the future and where you want to be and to not look in the rear vision mirror. Revenge is not a dish served best cold, nor hot. To seek revenge is to give away your power to someone else, to allow them to take over your thoughts. There is a brilliant quote that I have in my office:
“Be careful who you let rent space in your head”
Your life is yours to create, don’t let others influence you. However be aware where sexism is at play and call it out.